10 of My Worst Ideas

The difference between people really being good or not good artistically–it’s not what kind of film you shoot with or what kind of paint you paint with. It’s what kind of creative ideas you come up with.

So again, all you have to do to come up with good ideas every day is get up a little earlier than you normally do, set a timer on your phone for 20 minutes, and then ALLOW yourself to write down STUPID ideas. (Good ones slip through.)

I went back over all my dumb ideas for the last couple months and picked out the best of the worst. (I came up with a lot of great practical ones too, including this very email you’re reading right now, but these are funnier.)

1. “Put different seeds inside of each other and try to make a Siamese-twin fruit of two different kinds, like a half-watermelon half-pumpkin… that’d probably work. Just fields and fields of half-watermelon, half-pumpkin freaks.”

2. “Make an effort to make friends with men.”

3. “Ask people about questions you have but cannot answer such as marriage sounds awful but being alone also sounds awful.”

4. “Use what you know about development and habits to engineer interesting human children – such as if you make them do weird shit every day from when they are born they will not question it and develop it as a habit, and will only learn when they are 12 that nobody else does that, but by that time it will be too late, the weird habits will have stuck and or already paid off.”

5. “Get business suits for winter.”

6. “Do old pornos as movies in emails. ‘Do you wanna watch pornography with me?'”

7. “Keep being super cool.”

8. “Make a bedroom that’s like a cave in a house with stalactites and stalagmites and some of them have light switches and outlets built in and maybe even like shelves and chairs and a conversation pit built right into the cave material, but also there’s separate furniture that stands out in contrast to the cave color, so like orange or red furniture.”

9. “Brush your teeth.”

10. “Have a toupee made… maybe ask the internet which options they like best.”

Thanks for reading this far,


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